Thursday, June 24, 2010

Pigs and needles

Music-wise, I'm all about the dead guys at the moment. Mark Linkous (otherwise known as Sparklehorse) and Elliott Smith - two men who were appreciated by many before their respective suicides but whose brilliance will probably only be fully recognised in years to come.
It's disarming the way every now and then music can still make you feel like an insecure teenager finding meaning and empathy where most likely none was intended.
 You ought to be proud that I'm getting good marks.
It's there when I'm yelping internally at everything that makes me frustrated.
And watching pounds and pounds on the digital scale.
I wanna new body right now, I'm a butchered cow.
The staking out of our house by a mentally-ill sparrow who goes for my face when he's not going for our door and just wants to live with us, just wants to be like us.
I wanna be a pig, I wanna fuck a car.
And the job I interviewed for last week and would love to get and should get but won't get.
Needle in the hay.
And the tension and burn to write but not the words.
And make music but not the skill.
Needle in the hay.
 And wishing, come to think of it, that I enjoyed my love's company just a little bit less so that everyone else didn't seem so crap by comparison.
I wanna be a tough-skinned bitch but I don't know how.

And my own jaw-clenching ineptitude.
I wanna be a shiny new baby with a spongy brain.
I wanna be a horse filled with fire that will never tame.

Wanting to blog more and not having time.
Or not knowing how.
Wanting to be able to make her smile every second of every day.
Looking to surpass myself just the tiniest bit, for once.

Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay.

8 comment(s):

Jennikybooky said...

Ah you're an aul romantic Andrew.

I love it!

Radge said...

'And wishing, come to think of it, that I enjoyed my love's company just a little bit less so that everyone else didn't seem so crap by comparison.'

If this is writer's block, I look forward to the good stuff.

In other news, you'd be shocked to know how many shit films* I've bought purely because they have Elliot Smith on the soundtrack. Check out 'Pitseleh' if you haven't already.


Kitty Cat said...

I was about to comment on the exact same quote that Radge did. Gorgeous. You're lovely so you are.

Conan Drumm said...

All is good, Andrew. Country air, a swim in the sea, the top of a hill, or maybe some physical work. And breathe. Always breathe.

emordino said...

I'm getting Baader-Meinhof pretty hardcore on Elliot Smith these days. Every fucker's on about him.

Tessa said...

I've got my fingers and toes crossed for that job, Andrew.

(How could you not enjoy your love's company so much, when you consider how much strangers like me enjoy it (in print, granted, but still...)?

Andrew said...

Jennie - Thanks, I suppose I am. Hope you're feeling a hell of a lot better these days, my dear.

Radge - Is it really worth buying the films for tunes that can, presumably, be heard elsewhere? I nearly posted the Needle in the Hay suicide sequence from The Royal Tenenbaums here, but that would've given entirely the wrong impression.

Kitty Cat - Thank you, so's your face.

Conan - Yep, you're dead right. a few days in the Alps should tick most of those boxes.

Emordino - Having not gotten around to the Baader-Meinhof Complex yet I'm not entirely sure what you're on about. But I reckon it'd be a fair assumption that you have one of those I HEARD ARCADE FIRE BEFORE YOU t-shirts lurking somewhere in your wardrobe.

Tessa - crossed extremities are much appreciated, but I didn't get the job, sadly (see next post for bitter analysis of this).
Believe me, the only problem with enjoying Rosie's company so much is that I now don't enjoy social occasions much when she's not there. Which makes me an awful sack altogether.

Anonymous said...

Lovely post. I love me some Elliott, 'Angeles' is probably my fave. Have not listened to Sparklehorse much but he has a pretty nifty version of 'Wish You Were Here' in the movie Lords of Dogtown.