Wednesday, January 19, 2011

if you think you know enough to know you know you've had enough

They're saying you threw yourself into the sea, is what they're saying now. They who don't know you, they who really have no right to say anything about you. Like me. Except your face is all over the place on posters, which means you belong to everyone now. The man on the street knows everything about everything and you're part of everything now.  You should probably be made aware of that.

You lived around my way. I was in Spar, kicking snow off my boots when one of your friends came in and asked if she could put your picture up somewhere. The guy hummed and hawed for an embarrassing length of time before saying yeah, there was some space at the top of the door. And we can look at you now and say she looks kind of sad, so she does. Received wisdom is that you really were sad.

I wonder when the posters will come down, if they're not already. Why buy Pringles when people are throwing themselves into the sea? A friend of mine's mum did that, but her body had the decency to turn up on the Isle of Man. I hope you show up alive and well. But if not, I hope you show up.

11 comment(s):

Radge said...

Imagine not knowing, pure torture.

She went from the ATM beside my place and I've found myself looking around corners, despite knowing what we do now...

Conan Drumm said...

My childhood friend took that road twenty years ago. Her children are old enough now to be living their own lives.

Andrew said...

Radge - I've been the same. Human beings are resilient enough creatures to come to terms with just about any situation, but they need to know what that situation is.

Conan - It's affected a few people I've known, in one way or another, over the years and it's something I still really struggle to get my head around. I wonder to what extent they're able to grasp what they leave behind them.

White Rabbit said...

Melancholic but lovely post Andrew

Jo said...

That's very sad. I don't think they are able to grasp what they leave behind, it's one of the reasons why they do it. I think something clicks and turns over, and it really seems the best way, and will everyone better off.

This Limbo said...

That one got me right around the heart strings, Andrew.
Hard to comprehend. Some clinging on to life, some throwing it away.

Green Of Eye, Sharp Of Claw said...

Beautiful post Andrew. I've been following this from afar. Really hope that she turns up and that her family and friends at least get to say goodbye.

Andrew said...

WR - Cheers, my dear.

Jo - I think you're right, it just comes at a point where reality is hideously distorted.

Regina - Very much so. I try to understand sometimes, and then I'm not sure that I want to.

Green of Eye - Thanks, that's really kind of you to say. I honestly think that having a loved one go missing without trace must be one of the worst things that can ever happen someone.

sniffle said...

hi andrew,

seen this too many times

like walking alone on a beach as tide comes in, looking back, seeing footprints grow faint and eventually disappear. No trace , a washed beach and disappeared footprints.

Andrew said...

Hi sniffle, that's very elegantly put.

sniffle said...

hi andrew,

i'd blogged about a pal who topped himself - it sorta resonated with yours.

http://snifflecry.wordpress.com/2010/08/30/a-cup-of-coffee/