Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?

It's been giddy nuns, frank and sensible Germans and smiling Swiss. This is TEFL, and I love it. No two days are photocopies.

"So you definitely don't need me to work tomorrow?"
"No, we don't need you tomorrow. See you on Friday, Andrew."

This is how the wind blows, and it's OK. It's helping me steer clear of the inevitable maiden voyage to the dole office.

I wander down George's Street. Radiohead's In Rainbows is on my ipod. It must be my favourite walking album by an urban mile.

No matter how it ends, no matter how it starts

I'm hungry. But I have a Mars bar in my coat pocket and the components of a killer toasted ham and cheese sandwich at home, only 15 minutes away. I might even go fucking mental altogether and put salami in it too.

Past all the new students on Aungier and Kevin Street. Each and every one of them thinks they are the most unique and special human being on earth. If zany t-shirts and lunchtime pints don't say that, then nothing will. This feeling is likely only to swell for them as they go through the next few years. It will swell, and it will pop.

The infrastructure will collapse

Posters everywhere fight to appeal to my basest natures. Vote No. Vote Yes. Vota Idiota. Fucked if you do and fucked if you don't, from what I can see. Hard not to feel impotent at such times.

I'll be on my own this evening, as she's off to a meeting like a grown-up. A fleeting moment of panic grips me where I wonder what I'll do without her for the evening. Then I laugh at it, glad there's someone whose company feels like a treat every single night. It's dazzlingly sunny for a moment, and I realise I've been walking for the last few seconds with my eyes closed. I've become that guy.

What's the point of instruments? Words are a sawn-off shotgun

And I near home, and I think about how I might try and put how I feel on this brisk walk home into a post. Because I do that from time to time. And I think about how I will fail, because words can't really do that. There might be no way to adequately tell people how you feel. But if I could tell you I would let you know.

You've got a light, you can feel it on your back
A light, you can feel it on your back

14 comment(s):

the dublinista said...

I love it.

Andrew said...

Thank you, Dublinista. Can you please start writing again?

Radge said...

I think this is the best blog post I've read in months.

Anonymous said...

it IS a good post in fairness

(from annie, can't sign in for some reason)

Fiona said...

Nice. I know how you feel (or felt).

Kitty Catastrophe said...

Me gusta. Nice IT Crowd quote too.

B said...

Lovely post, raced through it, like couldn't stop, that makes sense?
Think knowing In Rainbows inside out made it more enjoyable too.

...and you're wrong about the bubble thing with me cos what I'm gonna do, see, is I'm gonna empty the bubble til there's no bubble at all; that'd make me the most unique and special student on earth due to rarity... then when it pops I'd be anti-matter and thus become the most unique and special human being on earth.
Can I tell myself that, at least?

Andrew said...

Radge - Cheers. I very much doubt that this is the best post you've read in months but if it is then you need to stay in more.

Annie - But you were signed in, we were chatting on Gmail at the time! I'm confused.

Fiona - Thanks. I'm always pleased when people say they can identify with what i'm talking about. I think I like to occasionally imagine that I'm unfathomably deep and that no-one understands.

Kitty Cat - I had that quote in my head as I was leaving work for some reason and it made me smile. Probably because I was considering eating the Mars bar before my toastie, like the maverick bastard that I am.

B - You might be the only person out there who understands what you just said, so you can certainly tell yourself that.

B said...

By lacking a bubble, unique student. By non-existant bubble bursting, unique person.

Simple rambling nonsense, makes perfect sense.

Radge said...

Having been boozing for 27 out of the last 30 hours, I choose to take that confusedly.

Kitty Catastrophe said...

Mars bar BEFORE toastie!? Crazy motherfucker.

Rosie said...

only because he's not yet discovered the mars bar toastie, Kitty Cat.

Jo said...

That was very good.

I didn't vote! I was too busy trying to be able tohave a certain night out and I kept not having time along the way. Ah well, it passed anyway.

And I was too conflicted to choose, really.

I have always thoughtthere was a lot to be said for dessert first though.

Except when my inlaws gorge themselves on apple tart just before coming to my house for dnner, so they're too full to appreciate the food I've slaved over.

That's just fucking rude.

La BĂȘte said...

You, Sir, are unfathomably deep. I just don't understand you!

I had a teacher at school who said two things in class which blew my mind. The first was that you could eat a sausage hanging upside down. Or indeed any foodstuff. But the example he gave was a sausage. The second thing was that there was absolutely no reason to eat sweet things and savoury things in the order that we do. He said it was just a convention, a social construct, like sleep. Blew my motherfucking mind.