Wednesday, April 7, 2010

You're toxic, I'm slipping under

"It's not fair!" Words you haven't uttered in years, now directed at two Leinster Hockey Branch referees on the occasion of your team being dumped unceremoniously out of the cup by a team bolstered beyond all recognition by a load of illegally unregistered players from a much higher division. A team whose legitimate side you had strolled to a 6-0 victory over in the league just a couple of weeks earlier. Yet another example of the skulduggery that dogs lower-level hockey to a surprising extent. Not fair at all, but your team are slowly learning how to play that game. Come to think of it, it isn't really fair that you're a hockey player at all, being a refugee in its middle-class bosom for over a decade now. Forced out out of football - a game you're much better at - as a delicate 15 year-old by one too many taunts of "Proddy bastard" from your own team-mates. And they laugh at you, these elder gentlemen, much as you do when teenagers approach you with the same whinge when confronted with a punishment they don't feel they deserve. Life's not fair, lads, I'd kick you up the hole too, if The Man'd let me.
The words come rising to your throat again in an acid bubble tonight, as you sit down with one of your best mates to watch the football over a few pints and he comes clean about who his new employer is. AnglofuckingIrishcuntingBank, of all people. The ones costing the state about 30 billion euro; you may have heard mention of them recently. Good to know they're hiring, innit? Loath to hear too much about the bastards, you fill him in on my recent own employment status. Which is that, after more than four months without a speck of paid work, things have been a bit better recently, a few TEFL hours and a bit of secondary subbing work making things feel a lot better. You don't bother spitting in his pint when he says that he's glad the hourly rate for  subbing has come down a bit, as it was too high. You don't bother pointing out that it would take his new friend Se├ín FitzPatrick a full 1200 years as a full-time secondary teacher to pay back the debts the government reckon he won't be able to get back to them. You just let him get the next round in and you sit and watch your team take a hiding with an odd mixture of glumness and awe and you think that it's also not fair having to play possibly the best club side in the world with five of your cast-iron starters missing. Trying to counter  Lionel Messi, the best player in the world, with Mickael Silvestre is most likely a contravention of the UN Declaration of Human Rights. .You console yourself with the fact that at least the horrible little banker fuck beside you is a Liverpool fan, so he knows something of pain. And a job's a job and a mate's a mate, right?

11 comment(s):

notRuairi said...

Hi, long time reader, unemployed, Liverpool fan, never-time banker.

It's a horrible state of affairs when a man like Sean Fitzpatrick isn't even put in jail for his own safety. It's not like anyone in this country will turn to violent crime even if it's the right thing to do.

Barca had 4 cast iron starters out too, you know. Whatever about having God on their side, Arsenal sold their God to Barcelona and he can't even make the starting lineup these days.

Andrew said...

The stuff sbout the football was really only intended as a sidenote to illustrate how easy it is to feel whingey. Barcelona winning 6-3 on aggregate was probably one of the rare cases I've seen of complete justice in football. The only really unfair thing about any of it is that Leo Messi exists at all and other teams have to play him.

notRuairi said...

I can't blame you for the Liverpool fan disgust. We're generally obnoxious. I mean right now I'm thinking about skanky birds and pot noodles.

Kitty Catastrophe said...

Hm, where I'm working now could also be a bit controversial, only I'm working for the ones that haven't ballsed up the country just yet anyway. A mate IS a mate, so long as his work doesn't morph him into a cunt I guess.

LaneyTiggy said...

At least you'll always have a mate who can afford to buy you a pint. I have two such Anglo mates and they come in handy.

Andrew said...

Radge - Nasty little upstart prick, isn't he?
On a tangent, your comments aren't appearing in my email, while everyone else's still are. How odd. If that's deliberate in some way, well done.

NotRuairi - No Liverpool disgust on my part at all, you're reading a little too much into things. I save my bile for United fans, generally. Chuckles aplenty last night. I saw some top-notch manky birds in Supermac's in Longford the other day, you should check it out.

Kitty Cat - He's been working in various banks for ages, so I doubt it will. I'd never really begrudge anyone a job, it just seems a shame that banking ones seem to be the only ones available, despite everything.

Ellie - That's very true. Jobs for life in that place, I reckon. I just wish the government would give me some cash to set up a sweet shop and run it on similar business principles.

Radge said...

No it's not deliberate. I'm less than technically gifted - my expertise with this interweb lark stops at 'words go in, blog goes bye bye into the world.'

Andrew said...

Ah, I was about to say "Normal service has been resumed", but then realised that you didn't comment using your Blogger profile this time.So I dunno.
This is a frighteningly dull line of conversation, I think it may be best to call a halt to it at this point.

Unknown said...

Always thought there was something a bit 'discretionary' about some of the calls during Drummlet minor's hockey games.

I've come to thinking it's a hugely underrated game and should be getting a lot more coverage. The skill, speed and danger at the international level is incredible.

Andrew said...

Squiggles - How do you cunts manage to circumvent the word verification?

Conan - As someone who refereed a few junior girls matches, I can assure you that there were certainly plenty of discretionary calls made. I was put under quite a lot of pressure to make sure that one team didn't end up getting annihilated, as it just puts kids off the game by the age of 14 or 15, and that resulted in having to make some ridiculous calls.
As regards the coverage, it's certainly a dangerous sport - I broke four teeth a few years back and my brother broke his girlfriend's nose by lamping the ball over the sideline barrier in the biggest freak accident I've ever heard of in hockey.
But it's never really going to get great coverage here because it doesn't make for a great TV sport, and probably not even a great spectator sport. Certainly not if you value your nose.

thefourthwisemonkey said...

He works for Anglo? He's a Liverpool fan? clearly a cunt. It's people like that have sent this country down the shitter.