Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Save Me From Apathy, Save Me from Hell - Flatlake 2010

Yes, dear readers, this is a photo of me with the mighty Crystal Swing. Now, you might have thought that I'd be altogether too surly a sort of fucker to request photos with such folk, but you'd be wrong. As of this moment, Andrew is happily going on record as stating that quasi-incestuous, hucklebucking langerpop is very much the way forward.

Now, a few questions you may have regarding said photo:

Where? The Flatlake Festival in Co. Monaghan, a glorious mix of parish fete tweeness, Monaghan underager boozefest, and serious literature thinktank. As curated by Patrick McCabe - warped mind behind The Butcher Boy.

Why is the photo so blurred? When I saw Crystal Swing being harangued for photos by passers-by I decided that this was an opportunity to good to pass up. Rosie concurred, but was silently laughing so hard that her hand wouldn't stop shaking as she snapped. The group just looked bemused, as I was about seventeen years older than anyone else asking them for a shot.

Andrew, why do you look like such a paunchy buffoon in this shot? This is an optical illusion, caused by the fact that Crystal Swing collectively resemble a cricket wicket when standing next to each other. I kinda fancied the gamey-looking ma beforehand, but Jaysis love, Skeletor wants his face back. I am, in reality, a svelte size 8, and not remotely bloated by the bottle of Captain Morgan and coke in my left hand.

Was there other good stuff going on? Yes, yes there was. There was Anne Enright doing a powerful reading, there was Jinx Lennon causing sore necks through vigorous head-nodding during a ditty entitled Stop Picking on Nigerians, there was roasting sunshine for more or less three days solid, there were hundreds of Chinese lanterns on the last night, there was only bumping into bloggers I really like, there was Shane McGowan droning " wurgle gurgle gurgle" over the verses of Mundy's tedious July, there was being able to camp right beside our car, there was the successful road-testing of our honeymoon tent, and there were dogs bloody everywhere for me to try and cuddle-attack. And there was Crystal Swing, making a horrendous racket with Lily Allen.

I may never need to go to another festival again.

14 comment(s):

Eoin said...

Yeah, the hilariousness of Mundy being oblivious to the fact that his mic was turned off for the whole of July, topped only by the fact that MacGowan couldn't even cover for him on the chorus. Come on Shane, the words are that difficult!

Blazing said...

Sounds like an absolute blast. Something different from the usual. Out of the ordinary, one might say. Like the red flowery top, by the way. ;-)

Unknown said...

Always best to road-test a honeymoon tent, just make sure the tin cans don't get too close to the fabric.

Kitty Catastrophe said...


(It does sound like a great weekend though, in fairness)

Anneelicious said...

my college mates were at this year and met McNulty from The Wire. Not quite as cool as The Swing though, granted. I want to gooooo.

Radge said...

I know of a man who spent an entire flight sitting beside Dominic West recently. The man is, apparently, a champ.

Andrew said...

Eoin - I rocked up just as the gruesome twosome were launching into Dirty Aul' Town and thought the whole affair might be better than I'd expected. Then it turned out that Shano has to have known the words of a song for twenty-odd years if he's to get it right on stage. He might very well be something close to a genius, but it would be advantageous to have a special needs assistant qualification before stepping onstage with him.

Blazing - Thanks, it brings out my the colour of my eyes.

Conan - yup, although the real beauty of parking beside your tent is that you can leave your tins in the boot, meaning they stay a bit cooler.

Kitty - Yeah, for the sheer oddness and fun of it it was probably the best festival I've ever been to. and with regard to the photo - why not? It has thus far failed to turn me into the internet phenomenon that i undoubtedly deserve to be, but give it time.

Anneelicious - I somehow managed to miss the thing Dominic West was doing, I can't remember why right now. And, unlike just about every other performer there, I didn't see him knocking around over the weekend. Same goes for Cillian Murphy, whose DJ set was on just a wee bit too late for us sleepyheads.
All of which means that my fiancée still finds me attractive, so hurrah!

Radge - I find this news disappointing. I prefer to think of him as a drinking, whoring Baltimore cop out on the lock every night with Bunk Moreland than a polite English actor.

Unknown said...

a polite English actor... who attended TCD.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
White Rabbit said...

Mine eyes just exploded...WITH THE AWESOME

Andrew said...

Conan - He did? Jesus, we might as well be twins. Except for me being younger, not English and unable to act.

ALB - yes, without wishing to overstate the case, I believe this to be THE GREATEST PHOTO EVER.

EmilyAM said...

Did Lily Allen show up? She was supposed to perform with Mary, Derek and Dervla*. Now that would have been a photo.

*Yes, I know their names.

Jo said...

What a delightful photo. I love how you're brimming with the jolliness of it all :)

Someone on Twenty said they'd seen Crystal Castles on Jools HOlland, and for a Horrible Moment I thought they meant Crystal Swing.

So far I've protected myself from them - to the extent that I thought they were Crystal Spring, and that it was ironic...

Andrew said...

Emily AM - Lily Allen did indeed show up. No sooner had we arrived at the festival than we were nearly milled down by a quad driven by a maniacal-looking Keith Allen with Lily on board. word was, they had a massive family row late on the staurday night. Check out the link right at the end of my post for video evidence of her apocalyptic guest slot with The Swing.

Jo - 'Brimming with the jolliness of it all' sums it up quite nicely. I was intending on pulling some silly- open-mouthed face as if to say "Look it's me and Crystal Swing - how kerrraaazy is that?!?!" but I just ended up laughing so much that I look a little simple instead.