Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I dunno, Leona Lewis or some shit?

A man passed me on the bus this morning looking much like Twenty Major would if we were about fifteen years down the line and Twenty Major had taken up shrinking and Buckfast for breakfast. (Yes, I am that deeply embedded in the Irish blogosphere that I know what Twenty Major looks like.) Tenuous blogger lookalikes aside, it was the man's folded newspaper that caught my eye. 'SPLITS WITH FIANCÉ' is all I could read of the front page. Or perhaps 'FIANCÉE' - I pay little heed to gendered French vowels first thing.

And do you know what I thought? I thought to myself "I might just have enough time before work starts to pop into Dunne's and scan the tabloids to see who has split with whom."

I didn't have time, really, and am still none the wiser. It was one of those mornings where a Korean student hands me a banana at the eleven o'clock break and says "Take care of yourself, Andrew." Feel free not to enlighten me. I feel a profound fucking distaste for myself most mornings, I must say.

8 comment(s):

This Limbo said...

It's Nadine Coyle. She who once lied about her age to try and get in that successful Irish pop group, Six...and who now is the least well liked member of Girls Aloud.

The scale and depth of my useless information is frightening at times.

Radge said...

Feck Regina anyway. I was going to tell you it was Rod Hull and Emu.

Andrew said...

Regina - Thank Christ you let me know, I'll be sure to send a fruit basket.

Radge - My faith in true love might so easily have been destroyed.

Annie said...

Suddenly I really needed to know this too.

Blazing said...

Even I know that Twenty is a little old man with a white goatee, but the discovery that he does not already knock back the 'fast for breakfast comes as a bit of a shock, I don't mind admitting, Andrew.

Andrew said...

Annie - Fucking tabloids.

Blazing - To be quite honest, I've never had the pleasure of breakfast with Twenty, so I'm entirely open to being corrected on this one.

Jo said...

I'd say Twenty has Frosties. Or kippers.

Unknown said...

I think Twenty only gets Complan now he's in the retirement home.


*sotto voce confesses to having correctly guessed Ms Coyle and tries to scrape own dumbed-down bwains off the floor*