Wednesday, June 27, 2012

who is showing whom their bloody rag now?

Every time I check your blog, to see if you've written a new post, I'm reminded of you being sad, and don't like that. I know it's not something you control, but you should never be sad, because you are a best fellow and I love you. 

It's hard not to be stirred into action by a comment like the one above, even when it's from your younger brother, who visits the blog from time to time on his lunch break. I used to feel far more of a compulsion to put stuff down here, if only to feed the narcissistic impulse to share my epiphanies with whomever cared to listen. But what happened when I got depressed was that whatever worms of creativity lurked in my brain seemed to crawl off and die. That started with humour. Anyone who considers themself to be "a bit of a joker" should probably be publicly horsewhipped, but I suppose I do try and make people laugh on a daily basis, whether they want it or not. But that went out the window for a while, as did attempting to write anything at all. Because when you are low you feel like everything you've ever done is shit, and that when people say nice things to you then that is just them being nice. People were nice about my last post, and I appreciate that, but you kinda have to be nice when someone writes about being depressed. Really, though, if you wanted to read something unbelievably articulate about depression you'd go here. One can only assume that Allie just thinks everyone's just being nice, too.

Since my last post I've ended up doing what I never thought I would, by joining Twitter. You can felch me here, if that's your thing. I've also signed up as a contributor with the excellent new online magazine You can read my first post for them here, and I recommend you have a good snoop around while you're there, as it's filled with great, diverse stuff. You can also sext them on Facebook, felch them on Twitter, roger them on your Skybox, and all those other things that the kids are into these days.

Now that I've cleared my throat I'll be back soon, probably with a post about violence. Yay!

5 comment(s):

Jo said...

Oh, Andrew, it's nice to see you're writing again. I'm so sorry you've been feeling so bad. It's funny, I just went and looked at Allie's post yesterday, and there's a message from her on facebook somewhere explaining how things are slowly getting better with the help she's getting, professionally and from her family and fiancee. I miss her. I miss your posts too.

Christine Donovan said...

I'm not being kind here, but it does sound as though things are getting better, and I really hope they are. I miss you when you don't post, & was wondering where you were. I had what was gloriously called a nervous breakdown yonks ago, people don't seem to have them now, but even though I'd joined the ranks of Sylvia & Virginia it wasn't a barrel of laughs at the time.
I love Jedward & want to mother them, but if you need some mothering as well that's fine. Good luck & please keep getting better.

Andrew said...

Jo - Yeah, I read that piece by Allie too. It sounds like hers was a far more severe case than mine. Thanks for leaving such a nice comment and for your concern, I'll be back doing this more regularly soon.

Christine - I'd love the glamour of a 'nervous breakdown'! Things really are getting much better, thanks. I think a lot of it is weather and daylight-related, so I'm making sure to get out and about in the bright evenings and am planning on getting a sunray lamp to see me through the next winter.

Anonymous said...

I'm not being kind but I think you're very brave to be so open about it. By doing so, I'm sure you've helped someone out there. Thanks for letting me be anonymous.

Andrew said...

Thank you, Anon, I really appreciate that.