Friday, November 27, 2009

In a world where...

I was having a bit of a moan the other day to The Fiancée about how everyone starts looking for 'best of' lists at this time of year. I mentioned Donald Clarke's post, and how I'd ended up giving my tuppenceworth anyway, even though I'm above that sort of thing.
"Um, I think everyone missed the point of that one. He was looking for piss-takey ideas, like his ones."

I hate missing the point. So here, because I'm vain enough to post this on my own blog instead of in the comments on Donald's, are my favourite eight movies that weren't released in 2009:

The Stuffing of Dreams
Dir. Ving Rhames
Haley Joel Osment gives an Oscar-nominated performance as a nine year-old with Down's Syndrome who comes to terms with the untimely demise of his Siamese cat, Musty, through the help of avuncular taxidermist Elliott Gould. Also starring Bonnie Hunt as the wise-cracking mom.

Adapting Charlie Kaufman
Dir. John Malkovich
Charlie Kaufman stars as Nicholas Cage, an actor preparing for the role of a lifetime where he will play Philip Seymour Hoffman as he prepares to portray Catherine Keener in a play about Spike Jonze directing Being John Malkovich. Samantha Morton turns in a stunning performance as Jean, the woman who ignores them.

Brown Torino
Dir. Ben Stiller
Clint Eastwood and Michael Caine star as two bickering, widowered toilet attendants who retire to the industrial paradise of Turin, northern Italy, only to discover that there's always shit to take care of.

The Flesh-Eating Monkeys that Live in my Vagina 
Dir. Jane Seymour
Though rumoured to be based on an initial concept by Eli Roth, Jane Seymour is very much the star of the show as she writes, directs and plays all seven lead roles in this bleakly apocalyptic vision of the near future.

Alpha to Omega
Dir. Ron Howard
Tom Bosley stars as Harold Oldman, an old man suffering from Alzheimer's Disease. Hilarity ensues as he forgets where he lives and is taken in and adopted as a mascot by the residents of a party-hard fraternity house. Jonah Hill and Seann William Scott both received Golden Globe nods for their sensitive portrayal of twenty year-olds who like beer bongs.

Out and Out (3D)
Dir. Robert Rodriguez
Zac Efron and James van der Beeck star as twin brothers who battle prejudice and their mother's frowns to overcome the obstacle of their homosexuality and realise their dream of making it in the world of musical theatre. Bonnie Hunt co-stars as their mother.

Mincemeat! (How Corporate America Screws us Over)
Dir. Michael Moore
Moore's latest provocative documentary is a shocking exposé of what really goes into mince pies.
Apparently, it's not meat at all.

Crazy Face Man
Dir. Pedro Almodovar
Jim Carrey delights in this knockabout comedy as a man who contracts Bell's Palsy, causing him to gurn unwittingly in the most hilariously inappropriate circumstances. Pamela Anderson illuminates the screen as Woman whose Boobs Jim Likes.

7 comment(s):

Radge said...

Nobody cracks wise like Bonnie Hunt, as my granny used to say.

NaRocRoc said...

I think you should get yourself an agent good sir!

B said...

Where were all these damning attacks on 500 Days of Summer before I bothered watching the pile of crap?

None of those raised a smile, but they never do so either something is wrong with me, or something is wrong with the whole damn fake movies thing(although I liked this one, but that's visual)

B said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cycles Goff said...

They raised smiles in me. In fact, I even chuckled.

Andrew said...

Radge - Your granny was even wiser than Bonnie Hunt's cracks.

Umm... that came out wrong.

narocroc - I believe Thomas Vermaelen's is looking for clients.

B - a comment to express your utter indifference to my post and superior knowledge of pop culture? Don't ever change.

Gimme - Thank you. I hate to say it, but chuckles were lacking from me when it came to your latest. Try harder, yeah?

Conan Drumm said...

I like them all so much can I suggest one?

'There Will Be Floods'
Dir Jim Sheridan.
An environmental parable about a family's desperate attempts to keep dry. The wife/mother/granny (Jennifer Anniston) looks on stoically from a doorjam while the Da/brother/uncle/son (Matthew McConaughey) gets to shout all the good lines at the rising waters. Originally set in Ireland but moved to New Jersey and 're-imagined' as a disaster flick to interest 'bankable' stars looking for Oscar nominations.