Sunday, August 17, 2008

Oxegen and toothbrush smuggling

Just checked my email and saw that tickets are already on sale for Oxegen next year.


Who buys tickets this early without so much as a single name on the line-up announced? It's not even that much cheaper to buy them now. I guess the whole thing is just a brand now, with a huge proportion of people just going for the piss-up in their tent and not really bothered with what's happening on the musical end of things. If anyone feels this way then allow me to offer you the service of getting pissed in your tent in my garden for only a hundred quid, less than half the price of the 'early-bird' Oxegen tickets. I'll promise to openly piss in front of you and jump on your tent in the middle of the night to ensure you get that authentic festival experience. I'll even set your tent on fire before you leave. And I won't charge an extra 6.35 handling fee (I never really wanted to be handled by anyone in Ticketmaster anyway).

The offer's there.

In other news, I'll be coming home from Egypt on Wednesday and am unsure as to what kind of crap I should be bringing back. I'm not one of those people who will happily bring back thousands of dirt-cheap cigarettes for every single smoker they know. And you don't really want a load of obelisks made out of clay or some such shite do you? Then it dawned on me the other day: toothbrushes! Toothbrushes must be something we fork out a ridiculous amount of money for every year. Even if you don't want one with a tongue-scraper, a flexible neck and feckin' go-faster stripes on it they'll still brand it as a 'classic' toothbrush and charge far too much. I reckon they probably cost about 10 cents here and they're not exactly heavy.
This is surely a genius idea unless they're are some legal restrictions I'm not aware of. Imagine being busted in Dublin airport by some grumpy customs guy saying "Sir, I'm sure you are well aware that under International Law #347 it is prohibited to carry more than 1.2 kg of dental hygiene products from one nation state to another..."

I'll take my chances. Anyone for a toothbrush?

12 comment(s):

Darren said...

Yes please! Blue, hard bristled, preferably with a bendy head.


Annie said...

I'd like one please. But only if it's shaped like a sphinx.

Anonymous said...

That's such a genius idea.

Lottie said...

Not the most devious of black market traders are you?

I've always wanted my own camel....just saying.

Anonymous said...

Dont you know they jail people in Egypt for smuggling toothbrushes, if you're caught you will end up in a jail a la midnight express.

Anonymous said...

I'd like an unusally shaped toothbrush please.. or a pyramid, whichever is handiest, I'm not that fussy ;-).

Rosie said...


i want a toblerone.

Rosie said...

are you home yet? did you bring me chocolate? i wrote you a post, all about my troubled relationship with Martin King.

B said...

I'm tipping Oasis to be the big headline band... it's pretty likely.

and Kings of Leon of course.

Andrew said...

Oasis? is that really gonna please anyone?

B said...

andrew: the last time oasis played was 2003, it was a disaster I understand.
6 years on, there'll be a new wave of beer guzzling teenagers ready to fall foul of Oasis's terrible live rep.
It's like a Fratellis who have 30 Chelsea Dagger's.

Andrew said...

I was there in 2003, at Witnness as it was then know. It was far too boring to be considered a disaster. Though I do remeber at one stage being stood beside some mad-looking thirty-something woman who was clearly coming down from something howling "What's going on, this isn't right!" Which summed it up really.