Which meant I was able to get a nice solid 3 hours sleep before getting up hideously early to drive the little bro for an interview with Aer Lingus at Dublin Airport. Sadly my car radio doesn't work so we had to plug the iPod into dodgy laptop speakers that only worked occasionally, and with all the clarity of a radio station broadcasting form Antarctica when they did. We named them 'Ice Station Zebra'. Bruce Springsteen's Radio Nowhere never sounded more suitable than when limping out of those speakers.
Having reached the airport with heaps of time to spare, I had the chance to rediscover why I love sausage and egg McMuffins so much. Truly the best thing they ever did.
Then it was time to find the Aer Lingus building itself and get thoroughly drenched in the process. The bro was looking dashing in a suit but I had gone undercover as a skanger for the day. Aer Lingus look at bedraggled skangers quite dubiously when they rock up and slump into their comfy sofas in the main lobby looking like they might fall asleep at any moment. We were soon urged to move into a "more private" waiting room, where my bro could work on his epic pile of paperwork for Aer Lingus and Dublin Airport Authority - which mostly consists of writing 'I am not a terrorist' a couple of thousand times. Unable to take any situation seriously that doesn't affect me directly, and even worse when underslept, I proceeded to wreck his head my attempting to build myself a little fort with the chairs in the waiting room, writing 'semtex' under the Interests section of his form, then picking up his Leaving Cert results and sneering "loser". I then enlightened him with the 3 Golden Rules for Job Interviews:
1. Never use the word 'I'. Refer to yourself only in the third person or as 'The Talent'.
2. Always adress the interviewer as 'sweetheart', whether they be male or female. Women will think you're a lovable charmer and men will think you're side-splittingly hilarious.
3. Conclude the interview with the line "Look sweetheart, The Talent didn't come here to fuck around. He's hot shit right now so he'll be looking for big bucks on this one."
Another applicant came into the room while my bro was in the interview and I was engaging in a phenomenally good nose-pick but I soon saw him off by making him the same offer some guy made to Lottie on the Dart.
When the bro returned to finish off his paperwork another applicant came in and I graciously allowed him to stay for a while. Despite my appearance he asked, with seeming sincerity, which job I was going for. I pursed my lips and replied "Junior Vice-President". When he was summoned for his interview my brother magnanimously wished him luck, while I offered up an alternative pronunciation of the word 'analyst'.Good times.