Although these things are really only a slight evolutionary step above chain letters and spamming, I was secretly quite pleased when Grandad tagged me with this meme:
1.List two things that irritate you for a reason (and list the reason!), and two things that irritate you for no apparent reason whatsoever!!
2.Give credit to the person who tagged you.
3.Link your answers to the original blog, that’s here (http://www.skillett.com/)!
4.Tag four new people to participate.
Given that the most common label I apply to my posts is 'gripes', finding a few things that irritate me should be my forte. Finding things that irritate me for no apparent reason, however, is proving tricky, as I'm generally quite in touch with my feelings about why things piss me off.
Still, here goes:
Two things that irritate me for a reason:
1. People who watch the TV at a ridiculously high volume. This is mostly done by families who want to argue whilst still engaging the tiny bit of brain required to Coronation Street, or else by old people who can't hear it otherwise. The reason they can't hear it otherwise is because they spent their younger life watching the TV at a ridiculously high volume. Either because their family were drowning out Percy Sugden or else because great aunt Elsie came over to visit when Coronation Street was on and needed the TV ridiculously loud. Because... she was a fucking deaf old battleaxe.
2. Blokes whose idea of 'dressing up' for a night out means tucking their county GAA shirt into their jeans and wearing a pair of loafers. If you really are in such complete thrall to Tadhg down the road who kicked seven points last week that you feel the need to dress as he does only for seventy minutes once a week when gobbing on lads from Killashantownballynewbegdrum then at least have the fucking decency to wear a pair of trainers and not try to convince yourself that you're dressed 'smart casual'. Whatever the fuck that means.
Two things that irritate me for no apparent reason:
1. Overuse of exclamation marks!!! Why do people do this? The rules of the meme itself up above carries one glaring offence of this type. Believe me, I didn't write them. I'm reluctant to even use one. I've probably used them once or twice in messages to girls to make them think I'm all zany and funny. But I'm not!! See how fucking irritating that is? And in case anyone just thinks I've just been over-exposed to the phenomenon because I'm a teacher, I offer you this story:
When I was in first year of secondary school, aged 12 or 13, a pretty girl called Jenny asked me, via the classic medium of a note hand-delivered by her pushy friend, if I'd 'go with her'. Naturally, being an ugly little zit-covered boy with an over-zealous interest in my mum's lingerie catalogues, I said yes. Sweatily making my way to the back of the bike-shed (yes, we really did have one in my school) where our relationship was to be consumated via the classic medium of 'shifting' in front of our entire year, i re-read her note " Andrew, I tink u r realy cute. Will u go wit me. Please say yes!!! Luv, Jenny!" I reached the back of the shed and there stood the fair Jenny. Her train tracks glinted at me in the most alluring way and her intoxicating scent of Impulse body spray tickled my nostrils most beguilingly. I leaned forward, pursed my lips and...spat in her fucking face, the stupid illiterate bitch!!! As I gently, but convincingly, disembowelled her and fed them to the crows, I calmly explained that the three exclamation marks beside her request were excusable enough, given her inevitable enthusiasm at the prospect of a sexy encounter with me, but that signing her name with one was simply unforgivable.
Got three detentions for that one but it never happened again.
2. Hillary Clinton's smile.
Now, to tag three other unfortunates to do the same: